The Last Thing

Posted: June 18, 2017 by suegrain in Stuff

Here it is, folks. The last baby quilt is done. It needs a wash, the backing and trim put onto it, but the stitching is finally done. I needed a little extra encouragement to get the last 1/4 of it finished, but I did it.  (Please God, ignore the dirty walls in the picture. I don’t even know how it got splattered or what it is. Just haven’t gotten around to cleaning it off, yet. :P)

Anyway, the finish for this is quite bittersweet.  I’m relieved to have it done yet that relief is tinged with sadness that Bev isn’t here to have done it herself nor to see it done. At this time, I’m also going through my own peri-menopausal roller-coaster. I’ve had some signs for a year, but nothing that got in the way of my day-to-day. Then along comes May and now I’m gritting my teeth, biting my tongue and just trying to get through this transition, too. Make no mistake, accepting and dealing with the death of my best friend is also a huge transition and one that rather surprised me.

I’ve lost family members and friends before this. I grieved and cried, but I’ve never had any lingering sadness or active thoughts of missing them. I was able to move on pretty quickly and simply counted myself as practical enough to know that they’ll still live on in my heart and memories and it was all good.

This has been different. I was with her when she died, I helped guide her to the threshhold as any good cleric and healer would and saw her over it. I knew she was where she needed to be and yet… this heaviness still clings. This is the first time I’ve had to learn how to actually carry grief. This is not going to go away any time soon and “getting over it,” may actually never happen.

I needed to remind myself time and time again that just because this is the last favor I could do for her, it won’t sever our connection, nor will it end my grief. Having to remind myself often and sternly is why the last 1/4 took so long. I thank all my lucky stars for having a friend like Alesia I could talk to that could stand back a little and help me with a more objective (and sometimes a little more stern when I needed it) perspective. She reminded me of my lasting connection when I couldn’t remind myself.

Bev will always be a part of my life and the grief of her passing will remain and I’m learning how to carry that grief so it won’t weigh me down unduly. It’s a process and a process that is different for everyone.

I thank you all for your support, understanding, words and memes of encouragement. They have all helped a lot

P.S. – Some of you may see this more than once since FB is kinda messed up about cross-posting and the fact that Alesia has things set up to automatically share posts to her FB timeline. 😉

Rowan Stitch Complete

  1. zenstitcher says:

    I’m so glad this part is done — the rest of life goes on, as you said, including these quilts. They’ve “stitched” you and Bev together past death itself, and that is a pretty cool thing, really.

    Now I gotta find that pressie I stitched for you and get it in the mail. ❤ Well done, love.

    Liked by 1 person